Lauren Flax and Nikki Sneakers taught me how to make the “Ugly Face”.  It is amazing.  You just motorboat your mouth and move your head side to side very fast and someone takes your picture and your face gets all fucked up looking.  You may have seen some pictures I have taken like this in past sets.  Well it turns out I have the greatest Ugly Face of all time.  I own you all.  ISAbel took these photos which makes her the best photoblogger in NYC, because lets face it, these are the greatest pictures EVER taken.  EVER.  I am so fucking sexy it hurts to look at me.  Isabel wouldn’t even put the top photo up because she said it gave her nightmares.  I had to talk her into sending it to me.

PS. Note my amazing gay hat.  My ex-girlfriend bought 6 of them for $0.75 each and gave them to her friends and I ended up with two of them.  I am also the only person to wear the hat after that day.

PPS. Note my amazing sports coat.  That is what Calvin Klein made in the 80’s.  I found it in my friends’ attic when they moved in.  The owner told them to do whatever they wanted with the stuff.  It was full of weird science fiction and religious books.  There were some sweet paitings and things too, but I think the jacket may have been the best find.  It has 3/4 sleeves.  3/4 SLEEVES!!

PPS.  I highly recommend clicking the photos.

UPDATE: Download the ugly face montage!

Are you sick of getting Macy’s spam on your myspace page?  I know I am.  I decided tonight to fight back.  What did you do at 6AM this morning?  I created one of the worst designed sites on the internet, FUCKMACYS.NET.  I recommends you post the below image on everyone’s pages who sends you this crap and link it to my new site.  The site is slightly helpful, but the image is just mocking.  I am not sure if it is really funny or not, but I think the concept is there and I spent way too long figuring out how to make it look like those ads.  Evidently they used Verdana Bold.  I couldn’t quite figure out the font size, but I just made it bigger and then shrank it.  It is somewhere between 11 and 12pt.  I think.  So seriously, spread the word.  You can help your friends and laugh at them at the same time.

Here is the code to post the image if you want to copy and paste.
<a href=”http://www.fuckmacys.net”><img src=”http://archive.drivenbyboredom.com/fuckmacys/fuckmacys.jpg”>

I met this girl at Midway on Friday.  Her name might be spelled with one S. Her friend left her to go off with some guy so I started talking to her.  We found a fire exit and took some cute photos.  She is pretty adorable.  The pictures are for once safe for work, so that is exciting.  You can sort of see her underwear though, so maybe that’s hot.  Anyway, it was nice meeting her… I hope I’ll run into her again.  Enjoy her pictures.

A bunch of folks in the NYC comedy scene are in a new show on Adult Swim.  It starts Sunday night (or Monday AM) at 12:15 on Comedy Central.  Todd Barry and Eugene Mirman are in it who I talk to a lot and Jon Benjamin is the Devil and I own his mustache.  Check out the first episode here.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SdbP0rEtPrQ[/youtube]

L Magazine is doing a night life awards thingy. I am sure I have no chance at winning with all the more established photographers bouncing around. However, I might be the most fuckedudp on sleeping pills rightat this moment of all the nightlife phtoographers. So yeah. Let me go to sleep, but vote for me, cause I would apreciate it oh so much. I know you love me, becaue I love you. Huzzah.

VOTE FOR ME (and whomever else you want)

Once the submissions are in (Monday at the latest!), a panel of esteemed nightlife professionals will select winners. If that link above doesn’t work, (Read the article)

So I am not sure where to begin. I have a few things to cover, and then a video of me sticking a large roofing nail into my skull. After reading my last post my friend Teddy suggested I tell more of the fucked up stories that happen to me seemingly every day. This girl at work said to me today “things are always happening to you”. She told me to write a book; fortunately I don’t have to; I have a blog. I think the reason my life is so insane is because at some point I decided that I had depression and I was never going to be happy and their was nothing I could do about it. Since that day, I have dedicated my life to the pursuit of interesting. I pretty much just live my life looking for a good story to tell. Case in point, on Saturday I was at Misshapes for about 30 seconds before getting invited to a small gathering on a rooftop. I was told I could invite some people. I invited everyone I could see in front of me. This was about 2 am. When I got to the rooftop I realized that 10 people on this roof would have been far to many. So when people started calling me to see what was up around 3:45 am I invited them all over anyway. I sort of just wanted to see what would happen if 40 people showed up to this two room apartment. Around 4:30 5 cabs full of people showed up at the apartment. At 4:45 I went to work. I am still not sure what happened with all the people. Now I am not sure what the point of this story is, but Teddy told me I should blog about it, so there it is.

I tend to lose track of my points when I ramble on for more than a few sentences so I apologize. On to other matters. I quit my job. I am not sure what I am going to do now, but I need to figure it out ASAP. Once again, if you know of anything, please let me know. Any photography jobs would be fantastic. I will shoot your party… or anything else.

Update on the Motherfucker pictures: The girls said they were on their way over here with the memory card. We will see what happens. They said all the pictures are still on the card.  Update on the update: I got the photos from them and we will have photos today, it just might be later tonight because I have some things (sleep) to do.  Check back around 10PM.

Lastly, the promised video. This video was shot in probably 2001 or 2002. My brother is in the background and he has short hair so it must have been a long time ago. I have long hair and the Baltimore Orioles hat I wore every day one summer. That was my hat from when I was a little kid. I think I look like an asshole in it. I am also fatter then. At this point in my life I was sort of obsessed with the sideshow and the circus and such. I read this sideshow message board every day until it shut down. At some point I realized there are only about 10 good sideshow tricks and once you see one sword swallowed you’ve seen them all. Anyway, this trick is called the Human Blockhead. I can still do it I think, although it would probably hurt a lot. I am very out of practice.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g7s-sigOn-E[/youtube]

So I have bad news. I took two girls home with me after Motherfucker tonight and we got naked and took a bunch of pictures and then they stole my memory card. This means a) I don’t have Motherfucker pictures and b) I don’t have a memory card. The good news is that I found them on Facebook and I will be calling the cops tomorrow if they don’t get me my card back. Also, to add to my shitty night, I ran after them and I put on my work pants and I ran outside with out my keys and got locked out of my building. I had to get some local Dominican kids to lift me on to the fire escape so I could climb back into my apartment. However the window was of course locked, but the far window wasn’t so I had to climb across the ledge and open the window and almost died. Lastly, I do have topless Polaroids of both girls, and worse case scenario every one of their Facebook friends is going to see them topless and kissing if I don’t get that fucking card back. This is fucking enraging. The Motherfucker photos were great.

UPDATE: The girls called me at 6:45 AM apologizing for stealing my shit. They just didn’t want some stranger to have naked photos of them, which is more or less understandable. So they are bringing me back my card today. I am not sure when I am going to get it, but hopefully the shots from Motherfucker will go up today. I am giving up girls for a week.Â

So my day job makes me want to kill myself.  Anyone have any ideas of something I could do that wouldn’t make me want to slowly cut off my neck with a nail file from a Swiss Army knife?  I have zero skills, but I have never really been fired and I have done all sorts of weird things in my life.  I ran a magazine, a record label, managed bands, booked shows, booked parties, promoted all sorts of events, photography stuff, I type fast, do some web stuff, I write, I’ve blogged for seven years, I have office experience, retail experience, manual labor experience, have a bachelors degree, and I eat pussy like a champ.  Sorry, that was uncalled for.  So fucking hire me for something ASAP, but be warned, my dream job is to be a hillbilly river boat captain, so if I hear back from Mississippi I am probably going to do that.

PS. I spent way too long working on this:

PPS. That photo was taken in 2002.

Yesterday I went to ARC and got some new shoes. I wanted to buy the Nikebooks, but somehow I was convinced that I should buy two of the three Nike Back To School shoes. I got the Crayola Vandals and the Dunk High Composition Books. They also had Elmer’s glue Air Max’s but I did not get them. Read about them here. But yeah… check them.