So things have been a bit slow around here with me being a little sick and trying to get caught up with all my back logged photo updates. Well, I am caught up and less sick and ready to rock, but I wanted to let you know that even when things are slow on DBB, I am always updating my Twittter with all sorts of things from videos, links, hilarity and wacky antics. In case you missed it over the last week, I am going to repost some of the links I sent out into the interwebs. If you like any of this stuff, you should probably be following me on Twitter. If you are on Twitter, you shout Retweet this post (and every post) using the Retweet button in the upper left corner of this post. Then everyone will get the wondrous joy that is this post.

• I was recently wondering aloud about how the type of person who can’t figure out how to use a condom is the person who can least afford to have kids. Luckily these easy to use condoms have been invented for complete morons. The testimonials are hilarious.
• I was lamenting about how my favorite horror franchise, Nightmare On Elm St., is being remade by Michael Bay and a music video director. At least it can’t be as bad as Freddy 6…. I hope.

• I was giving mediocre CNN pundit Roland Martin props for his takedown of flag waving GOP members who rejoiced when Chicago lost it’s 2016 Olympic bid.

• I linked to a video of a nearly naked hipster dancing around Williamsburg before the Grizzly Bear Pool Party show. I didn’t see him, did you?

• I got a 19 out of 20 on this Helvetica quiz. I guess it pays to have nothing but graphic designer friends. If by payment you mean having way to much information on overused type faces stuck in your head for no reason.

• I never liked butterfly tattoos or tramp stamps until I saw this butterfly tramp stamp. Now I need one of my own! Who wants to get matching ones with me? NSFW.

• And lastly the video of the week… Watch this crazy guy rant about helicopters at a city council meeting. If he was there every week, I would become a councilman. Fucking brilliant.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zA1hyqA6UTY[/youtube]

Whenever anyone mentions Twitter to me, they somehow bring up the time I live blogged from the Post Office.  I am not sure what it was about that, but everyone seems to have seen it and remembered it.  Fortunately I was unfortunate enough to have another particularly bad trip to the Post Office today.  They didn’t have the package pick up line open, but they didn’t tell anyone that until 30 minutes after I had waited in that line.  People were pretty much losing their shit from the moment I got there.  The Williamsburg Post Office is honestly the worst place I have ever been and I have spent a lot of time in both Texas AND Delaware.  So, for your reading pleasure I present to you Post Office Live Blog Part 2.  Please keep in mind to read it from bottom to top, and as always, please follow me on Twitter to enjoy things like this in real time. I was on point this morning.

Due to bullshit, photos from Siren won’t be up for a bit, but I am going to use this brief pause to show you this lovely art I put together. The first photo is real, and the second photo someone else made, but using my masterful photoshop skills, I created the bottom two images AND pasted them all together in a square. Fucking brilliant I am.

Rejoice in the potatofacedness of it all!

Last year I actually put a little art project together for the 4th of July. I took photos of a ton of people holding note cards where they did their best impression of the most famous signature in US history. Pretty much no one came anywhere close… What was more surprising was how quite a number of people had no idea what I was talking about at all. Still, it ended being pretty interesting. Take a look at the project if you missed it last year. I am going to Coney Island to watch Joey Chestnut embarrass Takeru Kobayashi for the third year in a row. I hope to get those pictures up today, but I haven’s slept, so that is probably wishful thinking.

Again, check out the John Hancock project. See you later.

So have you guys ever been on Model Mayhem?  If you are not aware, it is a site where people who want to be photographers and people who want to be models try to get famous, get fucked, or at the very least take naked pictures of each other.  While there are certainly some actually amazing photographers on there, and a number of actual agency repped models most of it is a cluster fuck.  There are all these male models who send comments to girls like “I wanna pose with you baby!”.  And I am sure a lot of photographers even more lecherous than I use it to see actual naked people.  I have shot a few girls off the site, but mostly it has been a waste of my time.  That being said, their forums are fucking amazing.

The forums seem to be almost completely unregulated and people are so hostile in there.  I mean if you want to know if your work at all holds up, go on those forums.  Those people will rip you a new asshole.  Watching wanna be models/photogs ask for advice on there is so good.  People will just tell them to quit now and never look back.  It is phenomenal.  After spending some time in there one day I came up with an idea.

I want to, as a joke, very seriously attempt to become a professional male model.  The thing is, while I am at least moderately cute, I am in fucking horrible shape, my skin seen the sun in a decade, clothes don’t fit me and it is very clear that I should never, ever be a model.  That being said, I do have one thing going for me… I know a lot of really amazing photographers.  So here is the idea.  I want to go to some of my friends who are pro-photogs and have them take really great photos of me.  Then I will start a Model Mayhem account as a model and then go into the forums and ask people for advice.  Now I am about to post some pretty funny photos with this post, but the only ones I will put on MM will be ALMOST serious shots.  I am going to post photos that while funny to you and me and everyone who knows about this will be believable enough for everyone else to think I am serious.  I am going to go about it in a really serious way and not give up until a) I think it is no longer funny or b) I get an actual paid model gig that doesn’t involve gay sex in any way.

I had been talking about this “becoming a professional male model as performance art” idea for a while, but when I was out in LA my friend Robyn Von Swank was teaching me some photoshop tricks.  We grabbed her camera and spent 10 minutes outside shooting some photos.  She touched a few of them up for me as I watched.  She did a pretty half assed job on them cause we were just fucking around teaching me stuff, but still, they are all good enough to pass for attempts at modeling work.  Most of them are too over the top for this project, but the ones of me leaning on the car are pure gold.  So now I just need a few more “looks” and I can start this hilarious plan I have.

So if any of my photog friends/fans out there, want to shoot me for the benefit of this really stupid project, let me know. I will keep you guys all updated if I ever follow up on this. When I have told people about this idea about half the people just stare at me and the other half think it is kinda brilliant… so let me know how you feel about it. If people think it is amusing, I will actually try to follow through…

But for now enjoy some of these shots that Robyn took of me and make sure to check out her website, because she is a really great photographer, despite how silly/half assed these shots are.  All the photos Robyn took can be found if you click here.

Dear LA,

You ever do that thing where you book a 10 day trip to a place that you forgot you hate and end up spending $1000 to sit in a gross motel room doing nothing? I can’t even work on my website because the internet sucks too badly and I go insane when I try.

Dear LA,

Why the fuck do your bars close at 2AM? Like, what the fuck is that about? I don’t even get moving till midnight. That is when my eyes start opening. I just had dinner and it ended at 1230 and by the time I got back to my motel it was too late to do anything.

Dear LA,

Maybe it is not just your radio stations but why do I have to hear 4 Lady Gaga songs during a 20 minute drive? Why are you still playing Day and Night every fifth song? How many songs do you have to play about how great LA is? Why is it that I heard a Kanye West song from two albums ago twice in one night?

Dear LA,

Why is it that everyone I know doesn’t know anything to do? Like, my friends here seem to do absolutely nothing. No one has anything going on. Everyone is in bed by midnight. 1AM on a Tuesday!? Impossible! My New Yorker friends are still awake and they are 3 hours ahead.

Dear LA,

No, I am not writing on a screen play and I don’t want to hear you describe yours to me when I am trying to work on my website in a coffee house with slightly reliable internet. Everyone here wants to be famous, either in a grand sense of the word with their bullshit plans, or in just the type of famous where they give you shit at the door at a fucking dive bar. This guy told me last night that the only reason he was letting me in was because it was a slow night. Fuck you, your bar sucks and you are a shitty door guy. I saw you let in 6 dudes even though you told them no. They just pleaded with you until you let them in. If you are going to pretend to be exclusive, at least sell me on it.
PS. Nice chin beard douche bag.

Dear LA,

Can you please hang out with me? I am lonely.