One of the most exciting things about Twitter is that you have the ability to live blog so easily.  Twitter really soared in popularity when people started blogging major news stories in real time.  Using Twitter to live blog has been used my media and just everyday people to cover all sorts of exciting events.  My whole life is just a series of exciting events after another so this tool is very useful for me to bring you, the fan, into my wild and crazy life… Why just last week I brought you a live blog of Fast & Furious, just 7 days after it came out!  And today I took live blogging one step further… I live blogged from the post office!!

In case you somehow missed my exciting (and slightly xenophobic) adventures live, I am posting the full transcript for your amusement and education below. Remember to read it from bottom to top… You don’t want to ruin the surprise twist ending…. Get excited!

Nothing says “Let’s go smoke drugs and have a party!” like the 10th anniversary of the Columbine massacre and Hitler’s 120th birthday! “Let’s Celebrate!!” I’ll be at the High Times party tonight… seriously…

Personally I think drugs are for people who don’t know how to have fun, but really I am all about making the pot legal if only to piss off the right wing. Although I wish it was made legal when I was in high school so I could have back the time I spent sitting on a drug dealers couch watching Dragon Ball Z because my friends didn’t want to be rude and had to smoke a bowl with the dealer. Although I have to say I am much better at Soul Caliber when everyone else but me is high off their asses.

Have some April 20th themed videos! And a little 420 porn. Think of it is my gift to you, since Hitler is too old to appreciate it.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnZb5wi_jsU&feature=related[/youtube]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJ13CZ4Hekg[/youtube]

I was somehow convinced by my friend Barry to see The Fast And The Furious 4, which is actually just called Fast & Furious. Because I had to sit through this, I decided to make it that much tougher for my fellow film goers by spending the entire movie on my cell phone. Now if someone was doing this while I was watching a movie, I would be enraged, but since it was Fast & Furious, I think it just added to the ambiance. I thought we would make the viewing a little art project, so I decided to live blog the whole thing. Below I have posted that account. Keep in mind that you should start from the bottom and read up because it is in reverse order and remember, my Twitter is full of brilliance like this so follow it here.

Also a few comments about the Tweets: a) I was twittering under my jacket so their are some typos and misspellings. b) I called all the girls sluts because none of them were wearing pants. In real life I am 100% pro-slut. c) There were no F&FI flashbacks… I was mistaken… I deeply apologize for misleading people. Now, onto the live blog…

Just a little SXSW update….

Things are completely nuts. I am shooting 1000 photos a day, 17 hours a day. I have been on my feet from noon to five every day. Total fucking madness. I haven’t taken a shower yet, I am sleeping on a gross couch and I haven’t made out with anyone in days, but I have taken a lot of rad photos, met a ton of people and my arms are covered in wrist bands. My cell phone keeps dying, my Twitter keeps fucking up and my text messages keep disappearing. I am shooting stuff for Brooklyn Vegan, Flavorwire, The Village Voice, Inked Magazine and as of today the Vice blog. The first published stuff is up today on Flavorwire… Check that shit out. I have seen the Circle Jerks, Ninjasonik twice, Lucero, Semi Precious Weapons, Juliette Lewis, Daniel Johnston, Hearts Revolution about probably 50 other bands. It has been nuts. It is going to take forever to get these photos up.

Anyway, I just wanted to give a shout out to AirWalk who gave me these free shoes. I pretty much only wear high tops so I was pretty psyched I could get some high tops. I used to wear AirWalk back in the day. Have you guys ever read Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell. There is pretty much a whole chapter about the rise and fall of the brand. But they are bringing shit back, doing the branding, getting the name out. They are bringing back some retro styles. They got some low top boots that they did for the Beastie Boys. Pretty sick shit. Anyway, check out the kicks I got. Hopefully I can score some free pants tomorrow.

I don’t know if you guys have spent a lot of time hanging out in tattoo shops, but the most consistently annoying thing about being in one is listen to idiots joke to their friends about getting the really bad tattoos hanging on the wall. Everyone does it, myself included. I think it is unavoidable somehow. One of the most joked about tattoos is the infamous Sailor Jerry “Aloha Monkey”. For those who don’t know, Sailor Jerry was this bad ass tattoo artist living in Hawaii who basically created the “Old School” style of tattoo design. His tattoo flash is a must for any tattoo shop that has tattoos designs hanging on their walls. The Aloha Monkey is one of his classics. It is a drawing of a monkey reaching between his legs and spreading his ass cheeks open. With his nuts hanging and asshole agape his back side reads ALOHA with the brown eye making the O. It is hilarious and a tattoo that no reasonable person should get. Well folks, I am not a reasonable person. I have been joking about getting the Aloha Monkey for a decade and it was finally time to put my monkey where my mouth was. Or at least put him on my leg.

Yesterday Red Rocket Tattoo was doing $100 Sailor Jerry tattoos (and pretty much any small tattoo) to benefit a coworker who’s daughter recently died. They needed money to help pay for funeral costs. My friend Sarah Lee told me about it, and I though this would be a perfect time to get the tattoo and help out a good cause. My tattoo was done by Betty Rose who did great job and who I will probably go back to when I get up the balls to get my next really bad idea for a tattoo, the Ghostbusters II logo. As I said before, the Aloha Monkey is pretty classic. When I walked to Red Rocket and told them I wanted to get the Aloha Monkey Betty’s eyes lit up and she said “He’s mine!” She told me she had never done it and that every tattoo artist has to do it once in here career. Well Betty, I am glad I could help.

Click the photo below to see it on my leg.

When I was a little kid all I wanted was a dog. My parents spent years making the decision of what kind of dog and when. I really wanted a pug. I loved pugs. My parents finally decided on getting a West Highland White Terrier, or Westie. We went to pick out the dog and I was kind of annoyed how small they were (yes, I know I wanted to get a pug) so I picked out the biggest one and thought we should get that one. My brother however liked the little one who was biting at his shoelace. My parents agreed. He was weird looking for a Westie, I think we might have had to promise not to breed him because he was not up to some sort of standard, but we got was an amazing dog. He was born on the fourth of July so we called him Freedom. 17 years later he was somehow still with us. Up until a few years ago you would have never known he was in his teens. He jumped around like a puppy for most of his life. One day however, he didn’t come home for a long time. We looked everywhere for him. When he finally came home he was limping. He had been hit in the head somehow. We never found out what happened but he lost one of his eyes and pretty much never ran again. He stopped going upstairs and eventually lost most of his hearing. He turned into an old dog over night, but eventually got used to his handicap and started wagging his tail again. My mom took better care of that dog than anyone has ever taken care of any dog and when she called me to tell me that she had to put him to sleep 5 months to the day before his 18th birthday I was more upset for her than I was about my childhood pet. I love that dog, and I think that when I go visit my parents it is going to kill me not to see his bed in the kitchen, but for me, listening to my mom talk about him is what makes me want to cry. She has talked about getting another dog, and that is almost as upsetting to me. I just think about how if the new dog lived as old as Freedom, my parents will be nearly 80. Thinking about my dogs mortality makes me think about saying good bye to my parents one day and that distant thought is as upsetting as his passing. I have been ready for Freedom’s death, it has been years since he has been himself and we almost had to put him down once before, but still I get choked up when I think about all the times I spent as a little kid playing with him, going to the beach with him, or thinking about my mom brushing his teeth despite his best efforts to escape. I will miss that dog forever, 17 years is a long time to know someone… By my calculations he was 123 in dog years… Writing this is really the first time since I heard that we were going to put him down where I have let myself even think about it and I am fighting back tears. Fuck. At least he lived to see a black president, I am sure when he was a puppy growing up in Virginia he never thought he would live to see that day. I just wish he had made it to 18 so he could have bought his first scratch off, gotten tattooed and could have stopped sending me into 7-11 to buy him smokes.

Rest in peace Freedom, we miss you.

7.4.91 – 2.4.09

Update: Found another photo…

This is almost too amazing to even blog about.  Here is an old news report about newspapers trying to get digital editions of their papers online in 1981.  Pretty much every word in the video is hilarious when viewed nearly 30 years later.  This is the type of video you would see in like Back To The Future or some comedy where they go back in time and there is some one talking about how talking pictures will never replace silent films or something.  At the end of the clip the woman is like, “The telepaper won’t be much competition for the street edition.”  Whoops.  Little does she know that less than 30 years later Mexican billionaires would have to keep papers afloat just for kicks.

Honestly, I think I am far too tired to be writing this blog, it should be amazingly funny, but it is just barely making sense.  The words are not coming out of my hands correctly.  Just watch the video and think of all the funny things you are thinking about it, and then pretend you read those things here first.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WCTn4FljUQ[/youtube]

Okay. I am back.  Well, not this second, but very soon.  Tomorrow I hope.  Maybe the next day.  Let’s just see how it goes.  I am in Philly.  After non stop work for 2 weeks,  hanging out in DC in Philly as been nice.  I haven’t done anything and I was just hanging out.  I spent last night at my friend Doug’s movie theater/venue getting in the way of people working the concession stand for a goth show or something going on.  There was Vampire candy from Denmark that tasted like blood and madness all around.  I can’t even explain it, but I will say that when I got back to my car, there was a man sleeping in it.

I repeat, when I got to my car, there was a man sleeping in it.  Evidently after I put my computer in the trunk of my car, I forgot to lock it.  There was a severely drunk man in my car.  Not a hobo or anything, just a really drunk dude in his late 20’s.  His back was on the steering wheel and his legs were up in the air on the front seat.  I opened the door and said “Hi there, wanna please get out of my car? Oh, and what are you doing in my car?”  He just looked up and went back to sleep.  So I took a photo of him.  Then I asked him again “Seriously sir, I think it is time you got out of my car.”  I thought it was the best thing ever.  It was so damned funny.  My friend Nicole on the other hand has a spicy Latin temper and did not let him get away so easily.  “GET THE FUCK OUT OF HIS CAR NOW ASSHOLE!” she yelled.  It was pretty amazing.  Without saying a word, the very confused, very inebriated man slowly stumbled out of my car and straight up the street.  After a few minutes we left and passed him a half mile down the road still stumbling down the road.

Today I spent the day watching TV with friends.  It was nice.  I don’t really have friends like that in NYC that I can just hang out and watch TV with.

Anyway, presumably at some point I am going to make my way back to NYC tomorrow.   I might not make it, but I might.  Either way, I will be back in NYC soon and while it will probably take me a few days to get caught up with life, pay bills, pack, get my mail, develop film, organize things etc I will be updating daily with n00dz from my trip.  On top of that I will be shooting a photobooth at Cain on Wednesday and hosting Trash on Friday.  Get ready for magic.  This weekend I might have some big news, but it is still in discussions.  Okay, I took a sleeping pill 20 min ago and I need to crash.  Get ready for party time NYC style ASAP.

Rock and Roll forever; Mother fucker.  Keep the faith. What?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kka447YC-Do&feature=related[/youtube]

What did you guys get for Christmas?  Oh me? I got laid off.  It’s okay though because all I want for Christmas is the Dolphins to beat the Jets this weekend and make the playoffs.  Oh yeah, I got tickets.  7 rows away from the field.  So what did I get you guys for Christmas?  Unfortunately, nothing; I was too busy (due to the job I no longer am employed at) to make X-mas cards this year.   That being said, I do have some left overs from last year, and if anyone wants one, send me your address.  And to the people who already sent your addresses, hopefully I will get them out this weekend, sorry they are late.  Anyway, I needed to post something for the holidays, so here are some out takes from last years card, if you can handle it.  The rest of the shots are here.  Thanks to Dusty from BA and Gina from GG for their help last year.  Merry Fucking Christmas.