The Onion News Network released one of my favorite of their videos so far today. Despite that McCain completely sold out his socially liberal beliefs in order to pander to the right wing and I am pretty positive that he would be a huge determent to this country if he was some how elected, I do find the fact that he can make a bow and arrow out of bamboo and his own hair and kill a man with his bare hands relatively impressive. He is probably the only candidate running for president that has willingly killed people. Semper Fortis motherfucker.

McCain Declines Secret Service, Dares Assassins To Try Something

Due to a recent reality check, I think I need to take a short break from night life. And by short I mean I will probably be back out by Wednesday or something. There are a ton of things I need to organize in my life, and sleeping until 5pm everyday is not helping that. Hopefully by taking a few days off I can get some things in order and make some improvements to this site. I have some grand ideas. One of them involves taking updates such as these and moving them off the main page and into a site news side bar, so you can read about the site, me going out of town, and things like that on the side of the page and keep the good updates on the main page longer. Also the plan is to make a page of just party updates so you can just skip everything and look at the parties if that is what you are interested in. Plus, I have some updates that I want to spend a good amount of time on in the next few weeks that maybe I can get a start on.

I am also going to really get working on my polaroid book and organizing my damn flickr page so I can get some books printed from my first year in nightlife. There will just be few made for people who want them, it’s not going to be a real book or anything. The polaroid book on the other hand I am looking for an agent and a publisher.

But most importantly I need to organize my portfolios so I can start applying to some magazine jobs. I need money damnit. If you have any photo work needed, let me know.

Word.

And so you have something to look at… I was YouTubing videos of Cock Sparrer today and I found this crazy video about Skinheads in NYC in the late 80’s. Pretty interesting. Let’s try to make every day “Thrash Day”.

… On second thought, I’ll probably be out filming stuff for Dayrobber this week, just maybe not as much as normal… or something.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFxhGyfnhuE[/youtube]

Continuing my new found re-obsession with Tom Green here is a highlight reel of his interweb show from the first 1/3rd of ’08. Watching him play Chuck D is pretty remarkable. I also find myself liking Pauly Shore more and more as my life goes on. And I still have a crush on Kathy Griffin no matter how weird that is.

As you may know I run a Miami Dolphins web site.  So do my friends the 2 Michelles.  One of our favorite players Jason Taylor is on Dancing With The Stars and they decided to make a video about him and his dancing.  They asked  me to come along with them to a dance studio and film them dancing around.  They even bought my oysters after.  Check out the two videos and watch both my amazing cinematography and my overpowering stage presence.  Click to open the videos in a new window.

Part 1

Part 2

I know none of you guys care, but my Miami Dolphins just signed a contract with Michigan left tackle Jake Long. He is now officially going to be the number one pick in the draft and hopefully the Dolphins left tackle for the next decade.

Lets learn about Jake together!

Here is some bad footage of me dressed up as Elvis marrying my friends and singing Can’t Help Falling In Love.  Be warned, I am extremely sexy.

Seriously, this is why I get paid the big bucks and get all the ladies.  ALL of them.  Every single last one.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmNknjC3ubQ[/youtube]

MoveOn.org had a contest to make a commercial for Barack Obama. Over 1000 people sent in video and it seems like they posted them all. I watched them for over an hour and I didn’t find the one that had some people I know in it. Hopefully I will get a link to it from them and can post it. So many of the videos I watched were exactly the same. They just had people of different races talking about hope or reciting his speeches. Or they had little kids saying cute things and talking about he future. Or they just had Obama talking over patriotic images. Or they compared him to Lincoln. It was pretty much those four commercials over and over again mixed with various talking points and bullshit about hope and change, but I did find two that I really loved. The top one is an interview with a 100 year old republican who is voting democrat for the first time in her life. She probably voted for Calvin Friggin’ Coolidge. That is if women even had the right to vote then (they did). The second uses images of toys to illustrate Obama’s political platform. Check out the ones below and then watch the others here. If you find any you really like, post them in the comments. Word.

So this is not really relevant to anything as this video was posted many months ago, but a friend of mine sent this to me yesterday with the instructions “you should blog about this”.  I will indulge him because I LOVE Jon Lovitz.  This is a YouTube video o f Jon Lovitz talking about how his myspace page is real and not a hoax.  He talks about his new comedy club and how he is doing stand up now.  If you go to his myspace page it talks about how he just started doing stand up and how Dane Cook has taken him under his wing or something and how supportive he has been.  I find this pretty sad since Dane Cook is pretty much a huge douche bag and of limited talents.  Jon Lovitz however is probably one of the funniest people on Earth.  It is sort of upsetting to see him posting photos of him and Cook on his page.  Also slightly upsetting is the comments on Lovitz page where he is shilling for his movie Benchwarmers.  He calls it “really funny”.  While I have no problem with someone plugging one of their films, to put his reputation on the line and call Benchwarmers funny is off putting.  This is because that Benchwarmers might be the worst film I have ever seen.  Ever.  It is consistently terrible.  Rob Shnider is the straight man somehow… the hero.  There is not one laugh in the whole movie… except when Lovitz is on screen.  He is pretty fantastic in it actually.  I started cracking up pretty much every time he was on screen.

Anyway, this video is just weird and surreal and you should just watch it and then go Netflix Hapiness, Trapped In Paradise and the entire series of the Critic and laugh your ass off.

Apologies for the randomness of this, I had an idea for the post but then I started watching hockey and writing a sentence or two between stoppages and I sort of lost my way.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mLwbi5_6N-g&feature=related[/youtube]

This is pretty much the greatest video ever.  Yet for some reason only a few hundred people watched it.  I think that is because it took so long to get to the good part.  So I decided today to chop it up and JUST give you the good part.  This video is so insane.  It is my friends from back in the day setting themselves on fire accidentally.  It is so fucking crazy.  They had to go to the hospital and everything.  Janicki got third degree burns on his face and Ben got them on his hand.  My friend Angel is filming and her reaction to it is completely priceless.

Anyway, this video is insane, so please, tell your friends and local bloggers.  Let’s get this seen by a few more people.  Not for the faint of heart.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EdrSKXrHESw[/youtube]