I fucking knew it.  I don’t even have any commentary.  Just read this and then take a momement for yourself.  Try not to kill yourself, there is still a %50 chance you aren’t stuck in a video game.  Thanks to James from Metadish for the heads up.

BREAKING NEWS: This rare Mitt Romney video was just discovered! If features him taking and talking about drugs. This could be potentially very damaging to his campaign. He was just 21 at the time. You heard it here first.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWzJ3ONi10I[/youtube]

Mario AKA Thomas Leyshon of the infamous Mario Brothers is the number one suspect in an attack and robbery of four elderly women.  He was arrested after a 24 hour man hunt.  Read more…

Holy fuck.  I was five feet away from some crazy gang violence.  That shit happened ten minutes ago.  These kids were running though the park yelling and then right next to me these guys just opened fire.  Oh man, that was so nuts.  I’ve never seen anything like that.  Amazing.  11:30 PM: Gun Fire in the West Village.  Wow.

I <3 Olbermann. Can we put that on a t-shirt? Holy fuck.

Joey! Joey! Joey! Joey Chestnut, American hero, defeated the Japanese destroyer Takeru Kobayashi, eating 66 hot dogs in 12 minutes. The Gaskets played 4 songs to open the contest and we all got back stage passes. I took a ton of photos and now, you can see them. It was an amazing day. I was going to spend it with my girlfriend, but she blew me off because she took a bunch pills so she could sleep and couldn’t wake up. That wasn’t rad. We did go to Coney Island yesterday in prep for the show and we had a lot of fun, but still ditching me at 7 am was not cool. Everything else about the day was. Plus my friend Sam came down, and he got her back stage pass. We ate tons of free hot dogs. It was amazing. I talked to Sonya “The Black Widow” Thomas for a while and tried to talk to Kobayashi, but he does not speak English good like I do. Rich Lefever is this really old time eater and after he ate a disappointing 31 hot dogs, he just kept eating food back stage. It was amazing. What a good day.

And God bless Joey Chestnut. Drivenbyboredom wants to congratulate Mr. Chestnut on his record smashing 66 hot dogs eaten in 12 minutes today. Kobayashi only ate 63. The king is dead, long live the king. Photos coming soon.

This is the best thing I have ever read: Vampire Peacocks.

Also, in my last post I mentioned I was going to be sleeping forever.  Well, I slept nearly 12 hours and I have to go to work soon so I am not updating shit.  I will get stuff up sooner rather than later though.  I have some good stuff for you in the next few days: Fan signs, an Ebay auctions, Rated X photos, Joanna Angel, etc…

The womanly Takeru Kobayashi is hiding from brave American hero Joey Chestnut. Chestnut, as I previously blogged, is American greatest hope to bring the Mustard Belt back to the US. Chestnut embarrassed Kobayashi in the qualifying rounds of the Nathans Hot Dog eating contest, beating his worlds record by 6 full hot dogs. Kobayashi has won the national contest many years in a row and is always the man to beat. He knows that Chestnut was going to embarrass him on the world stage at Coney Island this July 4th, so he has made up a fake injury to avoid shame, which as far as I know means he would have to stab himself to death at dawn according to traditions in the back water country that is Japan. The savages there have no idea what a man like Chestnut would do to their national pride. So Chestnut will bring back the belt to the US, but won’t get the satisfaction that we Americans deserve for creating a monster like Joey. Read about Kobayashi’s cowardice here and then watch Kobayashi shake in his boots. God Bless America.