Remember in Escape From LA when Snake turns off all the power in the world?  That should probably happen sooner rather than later.  For someone who spends 3-5 hours a day online, I am way too afraid of technology. This shit is so bizarre. I think we should destroy Japan and all of science forever. I want to run screaming into the hills.

I hope by now you have all read about this. A republican state senator sucker punched a democrat. Watching old rich people box is the funniest thing ever. Watching the democrat slap the republicans head in defense is hi-larious. Oh man.

If anyone who reads this actually knows me, you will know that I am obsessed with competitive eating. Joey Chestnut ate 59.5 hot dogs, smashing the worlds record. Joey will bring back the hot dog title to the USA this year, and I will be there to witness it. Come 4th of July, America will once again be on top of the world. Also, I think I have a hook up this year so I might get a photo pass. Hot damn.

Plastic was invented 100 years ago.  This article about it is really interesting to me for some reason.  I don’t know why, but you should probably read it.  Soon they are going to be making plastic blood.  THE FUTURE IS HERE NOW! RUN!

(Don’t worry, there will be more party pictures and naked people when I wake up.)

PS. This photo is the first photo that comes up when you google image search “plastic”

Another life was cut too short. At just 73 years of age, the greatest man to ever rail against homosexuals and open minded people died today. A nation of bigots will mourn the loss. Lynchburg, VA will never be same again. We salute you Jerry Falwell; you were the wind beneath our wings.

…when you fuck with sea lions.  A 13 year old girl will never win in a battle with a  sea lion.  Never.  Not even in the moves.  Sea lions win every time.  Sea lions are raw killing machines.  Sea lions are natures seal clubbers. 13 year old girls are womanly and small.  13 year old girls are made of meat.  Again, I repeat, sea lions one, 13 year old girl zero.

Tell me something I didn’t know.  Fried chicken is my favorite food and if chickens are exactly the same as T-Rexes as this article says, then I want to eat a T-Rex breast made by Popeye’s, because frankly KFC just wouldn’t do a dinosaur proper.

One of “the oldest creatures in Alaska” died last week.  This monster of a fish could have been as old as 157 years old.  Evidently it could still give birth somehow, although I don’t know how drunk a fish would have to be to fuck this thing.  Let’s all breath a little easier knowing that this fish can’t haunt us anymore.