I got a chicken tattoo. Technically it’s a pollo tattoo. I was walking around my Dominican South Williamsburg neighborhood and I kept looking at these signs for POLLO… which if you don’t speak Dominican means chicken. I was with my friend Joe and I pointed to a sign and was like “I am going to get that tattooed to me”. Soon after it I ran into my friend Barf Callahan and told him about it. I have always wanted one of his drawings on me and this seemed like the perfect opportunity. I described it to him and he got it EXACTLY the way I wanted it on the first time. Then today in Richmond I had my friend Katie Davis put it on me. She did a sweet job. Anyway, check it out. I am way happy with the result. Click the tattoo to see a close up.

I just spent the last several hours hanging out in DC with 4 out of 5 of my best friends.  The only one missing, my friend Sam, lives in NYC and I see him pretty much every other day.  The others I do not see often so it was great to see them.  Combined I have been friends with them for roughly 78 years.  Other than these 5 kids I don’t really have any close friends so it is pretty great to see them.  My friend Jamie just got a raise and everyone (not including me) got drunk on his tab and then we played Buck Hunter for far too long.  I was dead last until the very last round when I somehow became victorious… and ended up second to last.  This is a really boring post, but I just wanted to post this picture of four of my best friends in the world since they don’t show up on my site that often.   Anyway, that is that.  I should have good updates later today if I have internet access in Richmond.

Many years ago I started doing these Dysfunctional Family Circus cartoons.  My friend Jamie used to do them when we were in high school and I took up the cause in like 2002.  Many people have done them and I don’t think mine were any special, but people really like them and it was pretty easy so I am going to start doing them again.  Why not?  I want to get back to what made this page great, and the Family Circus cartoons were part of that.  Actually the only Wikipedia entry on DBB is because of these cartoons.  Anyway, before I start doing new ones, I am going to post all of the old ones.  I am going to do two at a time every few days until I get caught up.  There are 27 of them, but one doesn’t make any sense and one is far too racist to re-upload, so maybe I will only put up 25, unless I grow some balls.  We shall see.  So let’s start it off.

I feel brain dead. I have been sitting in front of my computer for the last 30 minutes trying to think of something to blog about.  I just have complete writers block.  Instead of just writing about how I have nothing to write about I will give you a review of the comedy show I saw last night.  I had not slept in 30+ hours last night so I went to comedy because two of my favorite comics Reggie Watts and Pete Holmes were going to be performing at Seth Herzog’s show Sweet.  I was running late and I missed the subway so I had to take a cab which really pissed me off because I had no money.  Luckily when I got there Seth’s mom was standing at the door and she got me in for free because she is amazing.

Seth’s opening monologue was a repeat of the X-mas material I saw him do at least twice last year.  Still, people who don’t obsessively stalk comedians and hadn’t seen it were pretty amused.  Seth decided that the slogan for 2008 was going to be “It’s not your year so just wait, 2008” followed by “Everything is fine, 2009”.  (or something like that) so don’t worry, after your shitty year coming up, things WILL get better. He then danced around in his underwear which is consistently funny.  Never seen Seth dance?  Watch the master at work.

Seth’s first guest was Chris Hardwick who was the host of MTV’s Singled Out who was not Jenny McCarthy.  I just vaguely remember that show and I did not recognize him at all, but he was pretty fucking funny.  He was just sort of blowing through material and getting a lot of laughs in the process.  I don’t think he is in NYC often, but if you ever get a chance to see him it is probably worth it.  Watch Chris and his partner sing on Jimmy Kimmel.

After that Seth brought out another retread with his Jesus impression.  He bitched about how his birthday and X-mas were the same day.  He bought out some shitty gifts people had given Jesus as Christmas/Birthday combo gifts.  This was Pete Holmes time to shine.  He kept hilariously interrupting Seth from his job as co-host/ DJ. Pete is one of the funniest people I know and while watching him co-host is not as rewarding as seeing him do his own material he is still quick witted and amusing enough to be one of the better co-hosts Seth has had.  Click here to see Pete do his own material and murder the crowd with hilarity.

The second comic of the evening was my friend A.D. Miles.  I had not seen miles in a while and it was great to see him.  He did a lot of new stuff I had not heard and then read from his “Cookbook for the Single Vegan” which he said was like a comedian finding a brick of gold.  It seems since he found it he brings it on stage with him every time and it is constantly both sad and funny.  It has just the saddest recipes in it.  The book starts with a delicious butternut squash recipe and ends with a mouth watering meal of Draino and sleeping pills.  Watch A.D miles defend his art to a comedy agent on Dog Bites Man.

Then Seth and his mom did their thing.  For those not familiar, Seth brings up his mom every week and they talk about stuff.  Some times it is tedious and boring, and sometimes it is the high light of the show.  They have a very strange relationship and it often turns sexual and very weird.  Last night she told a pretty interesting story about some insane man she went Christmas caroling with or something.  There is no point in explaining it, you just need to see her to understand.  Unfortunately she has managed to remain off YouTube for some reason.  You will just have to make it out to a show.

When Seth’s mom got off stage Reggie Watts had not shown up yet and to kill time Seth and Pete called up another comic in the audience who was in town from Chicago.  His name was Kumail Nanjiani (like email except with a Ku) and he was the highlight of the night.  He was not really prepared to go on but he had me and everyone else in tears.  He did jokes about Ghostbusters and Heroin and it was great.  I looked at his schedule and he is going to be in NYC a lot over the next two months and I plan on seeing him a few times.  Check him out.

After that Reggie Watts took the stage.  I brought two friends to the show just on the idea that they would have their heads exploded by Reggie.  There is nothing I can say or show you on video that can prepare you for Reggie Watts.  Simply he loops his voice to make weird songs.  He can do almost anything with his voice and he uses it as a weapon for mass hysteria.  Last night he did two songs that while not the best I have ever seen him he put on a show good enough to completely mind-fuck my friends.   They were completely blown away as is everyone I have ever brought to see Reggie.  Watch the mind-fuck here.

So yeah, amazing line up, great show.  And I just spent an hour working on a blog that I thought I was going to spend 10 minutes max on.  I hope you check out all that video and find some new favorite comics.

It is your last chance to get on my X-Mas card list.  Email me with your address.  I decided not to ship out of the country for a few reasons, so US addresses only please…  I have shot the card, designed it, and the cards have been printed and are on the way to me… and then on the way to you.  I am buying labels for shipping the cards today and once the addresses are printed, that’s it.  So get your addresses to me ASAP.  Enjoy the lovely photo below of my little brother on set of the Christmas card shoot.

PS. This has been way too much work already and I am spending far more money than I have on this, so I hope you guys appreciate how funny I am when you get your cards.

My friend Amanda is pretty.  She is also mentally ill.  She thinks she is ugly   One time when she was really drunk (ie every night) she told me that she looked like a meatball on legs.  That has sort of been a running joke between us and today instead of working on on her college finals she drew a picture of what she thinks she looks like in real life.  I think that the picture does her justice.  Let’s compare.

VS.

You be the judge…

I got an email from an old DBB fan today asking me what the hell happened to my page and how my photos only appeal to a few “brooklyn-ite douches”.  Ha!  I got here there, this site only appeals to Lower East Side douches, the Brooklyn hipsters have no time for my site…  The point is, she told me my site is not funny anymore.  I try to make it funny, but I am not doing as many fun things on the site as I used to.  I used to sell weird things on ebay, and make these idiotic lip sync videos and things.  They were great… if only YouTube existed back then I would have been a star.  My friend Sam thinks I need to do more stunts so I can get some real press instead of just links from Fleshbot.  I need another 15 minutes of fame for the site.  The other thing is I am trying to shoot less party photos because I realized recently that it is hard for me to have fun without taking photos, so I am trying to practice just going out and having fun.  So today for example, I have no photos to post.  On top of that I don’t have any ideas for anything.  My alphabet is over (maybe I’ll start a new one) and I just dont have anything to post today…  Augh.  My creativity is lacking.  I think I am going to bring back my Family Circus cartoons.  Hell, that might be a plan.  Okay sorry for the rant.  This was not funny, nor interesting.  But it did let me think out loud so to speak and maybe it will help make this page better.  If you have any ideas for me, let me know.

PS. This might be old news, but I saw it for the first time yesterday and I thought it was really pretty.

[myspace]http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=2073544161[/myspace]

Hey! Do you want to be on my Non-denominational holiday card list?  I think you do.  I am sending out cards this year and I think I can afford to send out about 200 of them, so if you want me to send you a card, email me your address or myspace it to me.  The card should be pretty funny, but you might not want me to send it to your parents house or to your work or anything.  It is not your standard holiday card…

So let’s see… After hanging out with Abby I slept all day and then woke up and drove to Richmond, VA which is 100 miles south of my parents house. I lived in Richmond for almost 6 years before I moved to NYC. I got there pretty late and met up with my friend Brian who’s house I am crashing at. I hung out with his Hooka smoking roommate. This dude smokes hashish all day long. He told me he smokes 5 bowls to himself a day. I find that sort of amazing. I hung out with those guys for a while and then went to NY Deli per my last post. I partied there for a whole 30 minutes and then watched Videodrome and went to sleep. The next day I woke up early and went out with my friend Jamie and took photos of his ’81 Rabbit. Then I drove around Richmond visiting all my old friends at work. I saw my high school girlfriend who gave me my first Polaroid camera. She was the first person I ever took a naked photo of. Amazing. I then hung out with my old and dear friends Christine and Brittney who pretty much hate me. And then I went to Empire for DayByDays going away party. That party was amazing and I will have a post for it as soon as I get back to NYC. I took some crazy fucking pictures and they will be up Monday. None of this is intresting, but the photos Monday will be. So yeah. There are some boring photos of all of this here and an amazing photo of one of my best friends Barry below.

PS. No Favorite Things post this week because I am out of town. Sorry.